1. Apple will produce their first blockbuster “Buddy Cop” movie starring John Mayer and Fergie

2. iTunes will start selling the internal organs of recently voted off American Idol contestants

3. Steve Jobs will fight Bill Gates to the death in a knife fight

4. Apple will expand into new brands called Orange and Grape, covering Prostitution and Gambling respectively

5. Apple will release a line of iPeople, signaling the beginning of the end of humanity